There are seven acknowledged wonders of the world. YOU are about to witness the 8th. Introducing… the world’s greatest break-up-letter writer, the Hardest Working Pen in Showbusiness, the amazing Mister “Please-Please-Here’s-Six-Thousand-Dollars” himself. Ladies and gentlemen… JAAAAAAAMES BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWN!
Ahead of the Pope’s outrageously expensive, pointless, disruptive and annoying visit to to Edinburgh next week, i have been wondering how to greet the boring old bastard when he trundles through the city, waving to his ignorant herd.
One of my biggest problems with the hypocritical, lying piece turd is his stance on contraception as a defence from the hugely profitable AIDS pandemic.
I considered flinging condoms at his douche-mobile, but i figured i would probably be shot at by some secret service people, after all, the condoms could have AIDS on them, or acid, or jizm.
So i thought something like this on a poster might be fun:
You know this guy still thinks abstinence is the only failsafe way to combat AIDS? try telling that to a 12-year old rape victim you fucking retard.
Found this on the BBC news site between two other interesting ‘news’ stories about how to move a bee hive, and a hairdresser’s poster – and they wonder why I refuse to pay for a license. Technical problems can happen to anyone, but there’s something immensely satisfying about watching the San Franciscan Jesus fail to feed the five thousand followers reliable mobile browsing. It’s not cos I’ve got anything against the guy, upon the purchase of my macbook I too became a smug iTwat, casually watching pc users struggle as my fingers lost their sinewy definition only attainable from a hundred alt-ctrl-del reps a day. What I really don’t get, and hopefully someone can help me out here, is how a computer/walkman manufacturer has achieved god like status, why do thousands of people turn out to cheer a man on a stage with a mobile phone, however brilliant it might be.
(Having said that, I joined 17000 people to watch this product being unveiled, and it didn’t work once).
Think about it, at the moment he just sells us shiny things, what happens when he decides to harness his power and lead his cult against the rest of the world? Before you laugh, the British Armed Forces runs on windows – I’m not being flippant suggesting this might be a problem, check out the ‘sometimes I just turn it off and on’ Royal Navy ad, or check out 4OD (for the next 22 days) and watch them alt-ctrl-del the entire battleship (our latest, bestest, shiniest one, of course) in the middle of an exercise. I reckon, given his cult following, he could take over the world with nothing more than a couple of apps and a descent virus email.
So there’s an article over at The Frisky about “Kevin”.
After 12 years of marriage, Kevin’s wife packed up all her stuff and hit the road, leaving nothing behind except her wedding dress. Rather than using it as a snack supply for moths, Kevin has started a blog dedicated to finding 101 uses for the dress.
So far it’s served as a petrol cap for his car, a gym towel, a cover for his barbecue grill and use number 10 below – dog toy.
I was considering the other day whether or not I should get on the band wagon (admittedly pretty late in the day/year) and get myself a twitter account so I can tweet etc.
On arriving at the twitter home page I was presented with “Top Tweets”, a scrolling thingy* of presumably the present days favorite tweets.
I felt I should share this one with you . . .
This got me thinking about how “they” define and choose a “top tweet”. Does it have to be something about ipads? or conceivably McDonalds? or perhaps something to do with masturbation? or a mix of all three. This reasoning however doesn’t conform to all the top tweets selected on the day in question, leading me to presume that the selection of the above tweet for the top tweets on that was based purely on its comical value. This is however entirely hypothetical and so results in a waste of both my time and yours.
For those of you wondering I have decided not to tweet for the time being.
* highly technical web developing terminology – it would take to long to explain.
So, I’ve been on holiday for a week, and naturally the first thing I did when I got back was to catch up with all events LWAPD based. I caught up fast, and now I feel like I can venture out in to the world wide web, armed with the latest, freshest and yes, dopest developments in internet based audio-visual entertainment.
But something was conspicuously absent. It was as if someone had simultaneously ripped the heart out of Lemonade, and cured it of a most grievous cancer.
What has happened to the inimitable Drew Steenburg? Where are the rants, the posts that dispense with the politically correct, the images that say boo to common sense’s goose, the things that make you go Hmmmm?
Well, I thought some crass, topical humour might just tempt him back.