Stupid People

BBC have a program out at the moment called I Can’t Stop Stealing where three idiots openly admit to shoplifting, parading their stolen wares with such joy and pride that, as you follow them round their squalid little flats, you expect to see consumer goods mounted on wooden shields like safari prizes. Surely going on such a TV show is detrimental to a successful shoplifting career.

I was going to go on a similar show entitled I Can’t Stop Hanging Round Schoolyards in my ‘Special Pants’ With the Pocket Liners Cut Out, but my parole officer suggested it might not be the smartest move if my face wasn’t obscured. If you’ve reached that point where your options to kill time are 2 And A Half Men or seppuku, it’s on iPlayer.

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