Seabreacher X

I still remember Mike Neville’s face when he broke the news. Back when there were only 4 channels, Mike was the man who told us what was happening in our region (as I’m sure Jack can attest) he was Newcastle’s Ron Burgundy. He could be counted on to bring somber reflection to bad news and joyful celebration of happy events. One fateful day in 1991, viewers tuned into Look North at 6:30, to be greeted by a deeply troubled Mike Neville. Something terrible had happened and, much like a parent who’s finally handed a child responsibility for their own actions, Mike Neville was disappointed in us. The playful creature who entertained Northerners, frolicking with them in the surf of Tynemouth and Amble, had been molested. Years later when Newcastle failed to win the 2008 city of culture bid we all new that, had we managed to clean up our act, stop the pandemic of wife beating, delinquent crime and animal abuse, Liverpool would still have won as they’d never fucked a cetacean.

Now there’s a legal way to get inside a dolphin, albeit a little to late for the North East. They cost $50000 – $70000 (depending on options), look great fun, and you could really shit people up at the beach. If there’s a better way to live out your James Bond villain fantasy, I haven’t seen it, get yours here. Awesome. Fact.

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